amidst a sea of incoherancy

This is not an easy, or light hearted, or particularly safe blog post. If you're not up for gloom and doom, I suggest skipping today's entry.

http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/the-passion-of-david-bazan/Content?oid=1169181

(Note- For some reason, you have to copy and paste this link into your browser for it to work correctly.)

The above link is to an article about a musician named David Bazan.  He used to be the front man for a fantastic band called Pedro The Lion. Pedro was an indie sort of band with a strong, Christian influence. Their lyrics were incredibly thought provoking and their recording quality was also pretty inspiring.

The linked article talks about how David's faith has evolved (or perhaps devolved) into agnosticism. Reading this article really stirs up a lot in me. I resonate with David's feelings and thoughts on faith. Mostly, I resonate with the isolation that questioning one's faith brings about.

When you question your faith, you get two basic responses. 1. You get the concerned person who hasn't been cursed with the questions you struggle with and hence, offers advice that misses the mark. 2. You get the person who says, "That's exactly why I don't do religion anymore." But, the person isn't struggling with fear of damnation, alienation, disenfranchisement, etc. the way you do. Ultimately, you begin to find that simply ignoring the questions brings peace, albeit a temporary peace. If you ignore the questions, you can go about living life that isn't painful, that isn't alienating. You are safe again. You don't cause concern in people.

But while ignoring questions of faith feels safe, I don't think it is a healthy way to live. For what it's worth, even the Bible talks about working out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phillipeans 2:12). I find myself working out my salvation with fear and trembling a lot. (I've assumed in the past that I would eventually come to a point where the working out and the fear and trembling would stop...but this hasn't happened for me.) Working out your salvation with fear and trembling sucks. But sometimes I'm plagued with questions like, "What exactly is salvation, or what exactly is true faith, or how do I know my understanding of these things is the correct understanding?"

As a group, we Christians have developed many pre-made answers that we apply like salve to these types of questions. Sometimes they feel slightly hollow though. I think it just goes to prove that questioning Christianity isn't easy. Questioning Christianity doesn't feel safe to those of us raised in cultures of faith. When you question the very thing that is supposed to give you peace of salvation, it's super-scary. Nevertheless, some of us are cursed with an inate drive to question and question and question. As one such person I can say three things with certainty.

1. Questioning is genuinely tough

2. I was very encouraged to read about another guy doing the same thing I've been doing

3. God knew I'd be here, doing this very thing. That, at least, gives some peace.